Your caught in a psychological groove

anneboweman @ 2004-09-16T19:35:00

2004-09-16T23:43:10Z

this thing is stupid. my relationship with andrew is constant fighting but it has always been that way. Im a senior. Im making more friends and i relized who my true friends are. Sarah is pretty much completly out of my life people always stop being my friends after its been a year. Um... I will be 18 in like 2 weeks. Im getting my nose pierced. i want to get high. School is good. My face is dry. My job is sucky but i make like a billion dollars a week. I dont take adderoll anymore. And i havent been depressed in weeks.

Best day ever

2004-08-01T17:31:44Z

i only like to write in here when something exciting happens so yeah. So yesterday me and andrew drove to camdem for the aquarium. later that night i hung out with sarah rachel kesenia and scott. sarah wanted to go to clinton road and we all decided to go. Scott drove us in his jeep. we went all the way through the road and it was like a roller coster. and on the way back while he was trying to peel out his car broke down and we got stuck there. Than the other scott came and picked us up in his beast of a truck. I wish i had more nights like this!

anneboweman @ 2004-07-05T14:08:00

2004-07-05T18:11:22Z

im here in georgia with Sarah. honestly im not having fun at all. Marci and Howie are such nice people. I spoke with my mom and if I really want to I can come home a few days early. I think i may do that. Im really bored. I miss andrew and im bored and yeah.

anneboweman @ 2004-05-27T16:24:00

2004-05-27T20:26:58Z

my computer hasnt been working for the longest time but i fixed that shit. so much stuff has happend but i dont feel like writing it because everyone who reads this does that stuff with me. prom sucked and tomorrow night should be awesome. i have a new job im babysitting this girl making $10 and hour i make more in 3 days than i made in a month at the theater this is great!

anneboweman @ 2004-05-12T16:05:00

2004-05-12T20:12:23Z

wow yesterday was CRAZY we had a staff meating because money have been stolen. and you know what they blamed it on...ME. i was so fucking pissed off because i didnt do it and he just kept telling me that there is no one else who could have done it. He was like i just asking you to quit. BUT I DIDNT FUCKING DO IT. i was set up and used as a scapegoat and when i find the asshole that did this im going to cut their fucking throat. Here is the letter that i sent to my mananger. I didnt want to go about it in a child like manner so i tried to make it professional. tello me what you think.

Jay,
As you know I have been accused of stealing. I realize that no matter what I say there is no way to resolve this unless the person confesses. In your eyes, I am guilty. My parents are extremly upset but I will not let them get involved. This is something that I need to handle on my own. I feel that it is no longer worth working in a place where I cannot be trusted for something I did not do. I feel that I have been wrongfully accused and it is not in my desire to further defend myself. If this was a ploy to get rid of me, it has succeded. As long as I know that I am telling the truth, than I have no need to continue this dispute. Thank you for your time.

-Christina Laietta

anneboweman @ 2004-04-19T19:58:00

2004-04-20T00:03:56Z

i havent updated in a while..i just havent wanted to. alot of shit went on good and bad. you know the normal boyfriend problems friend problems work stuff. i have been hanging out with eddie and melissa alot. i love them to death. i also met lindsy. we hung out a little bit...i love her she is so cool she is funny as hell i def want to hang out with her more. This weekedn sarah's parents are going away .oh man i have been going tanning its so addictive. I love it. i dont mind paying for cancer cuz its just for prom i dont want my body to reflect the sunlight. i think im going this friday with sarah kirsten and melissa. Kirsten i miss you you need to comment in my journal and we need to hang out. My spring break is next week and i have some major plans. me and andrew are going to go to the zoo i want to go down the shore...Who is up for a road trip? and just do some other fun things. thats all for now.

anneboweman @ 2004-02-01T10:28:00

2004-02-01T15:34:08Z

yesterday was pretty fun. i went to the book store and got a book than i went and picked up sarah and angyl. we were on a time schedual so we rushed to blockbuster rented psycho beach party one of my favorite movies (thus the user name) afer that i went home than i went to johns and andrew was there so we just sat there and watchd celebirity poker with fread savage? well the one from the wonder years. andrews mom told him that we need to leave the door open. i think she thinks we are having too much sex which is crap but he says she just went on a rampage. than we went back to his house and snuggled untill i had to go home. i was really happy cuz when i got home i was just in time for 2 episodes of rosanne. today i woke up with the worst sore throat. i feel like shit and i have to go to worka at 12. after work im suposed to go to walters for the super bowl. i hate football.

anneboweman @ 2004-01-28T10:12:00

2004-01-28T15:12:10Z

anneboweman @ 2004-01-28T10:06:00

2004-01-28T15:06:32Z

http://www.growyourownshit.com/users/ThunderGirl

anneboweman @ 2004-01-10T23:54:00

2004-01-11T04:58:50Z

i went to the mall with sarah and angyl tonight and i bought new gloves and a wallet. it was so cold out that i could barely drive because i was shaking so much (the car takes a few to heat up but i dont have patients) so we went to see chasing liberty. i cant talk for them but i thought it was amazing haha. i was cracking up and i shed a few tears too. the guy in the movie is such a hottie and it made me want to make out. once again roseanne is on and im super tired and iv got work in the morning in caldwell so good night.

anneboweman @ 2003-12-05T16:55:00

2003-12-05T22:01:33Z

Alright so now its really over. You always told me how happy i made you and how much you love me. I did everything i could for you. I tried to help you so many times and i never asked for anything in return. Its time for me to move on and say good bye. Its what is best for you. the only person you need to help is yourself. maybe one day i will see that you have changed, but if not there is no hope. In the begining it was fine and i went along with everything but when it comes to me and my family at risk its not worth it.You are so young dont let this ruin your future. Be strong and you will get past it. it will not happen over night but everything takes time. i love you and you will always have a place in my heart and hopefully one day everything will fit together. I love you.

even though the person who that is for will never see this it is how i truly feel this is harder for me than i could ever imagian but life is full of obsticles and i guess i just have to get ready for the next challange.

it only gets worse

2003-12-05T20:24:14Z

seriously when i thought things couldnt get worse they did...i cant even tell you whats going on.

this has been the week of hell

and i cant even go out because my mom wont let me drive my car in the snow. if things keep going the way they are im really scared and i dont know what to do.

wow...

2003-12-04T20:39:04Z

alot has happend this week. lets start off with me being stuck in florida for 6 hours longer than i wanted to be there. me and andrew got back together which im happy about. but yesterday i found out that someone i knew passed away. its really upsetting to me because you never know when someone is just going to drop so im going to take advantage of every moment that i have with the people i know.

ugh

2003-11-29T01:14:51Z

well im suposed to be on a plane back to jersey now but the weather is so bad that im stuck here in florida untill like 11 pm this really sucks all i want to do is go home I HATE VACATIONS. im sitting here with my cousin we were boerd so we fooled around with the digital camer and now we are trying to figure out how to work it so if you see pictures of us than i guess it did work. now this kid is my little cousin the last time i saw him was like 5 years ago and its scary because he grew up and stuff but im older than him but he is smarter than me he is like a proven genious or something i probly didnt even spell that right ok but yeah bye.

well...

2003-11-11T14:54:04Z

yeah im back everyone told me i would be so i guess i fell into it. i fucked up a little but thats ok it happens im not ruining my life. im boyfriend less but im not crying. i think this will be good for me. im happy execpt for the fact that i owe like $250 for a new tire but hey thats what bank accounts are for. after school i have therapy(oh boy) and than i think im picking up kim and we are hanging out. i want to go to the mall and buy a winter hat. this weekend is going to rock im so excited.

last update

2003-11-04T03:23:03Z

well i have been clean for 3 weeks...so much stuff has been going on that i dont want to tell some of it. and some of it i cant say for confidential reasons. i have been happier than ever. of course i still get depressed but im starting to leval with myself...new beginings...hopefully.

alot to say...

2003-10-16T23:59:07Z

well more has happend in this past week that i could ever believe. so im grounded for two weeks and got my car taken away for a month. the two weeks grounding is suposed to be for andrew coming over when no one was home...i think my parents just dont want me having sex while they arent home which is crap because that has never happend...they need a little trust. and the one month no car is because they found pot in my car. i didnt put it there on purpose i guess it just fell out. i really miss my car. but its weird my parents arent mad that i was smoking.why, because smoking marajuana runs in my family. its nuts no wonder my family is so fucked up there is alochol abuse drug abuse cancer and emotional problems. my mom is unhappy with my dad because he never stoped and didnt want me to do it. so a huge motivation was to make my mom happy. i was sober for 6 days than i slipped. but every now and than cant be that bad. I just cant wait to go out again and i want my car back. since i have been iscolated from all my friends and cant go out it feels like old times. and i dont like it. for the first time in a while i had to walk everywhere i wanted to go. i go on long walks by myself in the freezing cold while listening to music with so many different thoughts running through my head. feeling like i never know whats going to happend and deny how i feel. call me emo but denying how i really feel and keeping things in is what messed me up in the first place.

two weeks no Andrew no sarah no elysha no rachel no ksenia no nothing. i miss them all so much even though i still see andrew pretty much everyday so i guess he doesnt really count.

im even missing the acoma show tonight which sucks because that will be the frist show of theirs i have ever missed but tomorrow joe and jon are coming over and showing me the video from tonight.

today i went to best buy and bought the billy talent cd for $9.99 its fucking amazing.

...

2003-09-23T21:20:14Z

so i went to therapy today...it was ok. i talked to my mom about my punishment. i think it was a little harsh you know because its like my job and if i want to take off i should be able to. so now im just grounded till friday. whatever as long as i get to go out and stuff. andrew is coming over at 8. my parents said i couldnt go out they didnt say i couldnt have people over. plus he has to drop off my shoes. my birthday is on tuesday. hopefully i get my lisence.

anneboweman @ 2003-09-21T19:36:00

2003-09-21T23:39:08Z

i didnt go to work today...my parents found out and now i cant leave the house for a week and they want me home for dinner every night. this sucks really bad. this is total bullshit.

i give up

back to the old ways...

2003-09-19T00:26:17Z

when i thought it was all coming together and i was finally cleared of all depression and sadness it comes back. All the little things that happend today brought a whole lot of bad memories back to me. everything i do feels wrong. i feel like whatever i do ill fuck it up. if i could end it i would but that would be stupid. i dont have the guts and its not worth it. i cant even describe how terrible i feel right now. i feel like andrew hates me i feel like everyone i know hates me i feel like everyone i used to know hates me. i dont want to sit in this room and bitch anymore. i need to stop getting like this. i dont want to lose my boyfriend and my friends they mean too much to me. i need to get out of here go somewhere for a few days anywhere but home.

Andrew just called and he is on his way...im glad he is coming over i really need someone to talk to and just hug and hold.

...

2003-09-09T23:45:08Z

this morning i was woken with a phone call from andrew at around 2 am. he said he was coming over i was like no no i have school soon but he came anyway. and i got to cuddle. and than yeah. went to school than walked home and got my fat ass on the tread mill. took a shower than i was suposed to hang out with andrew but i have no way of getting in touch with him and i really didnt feel like sitting around waiting. so i went sarahs it was fun...hanging out with sarah and everyone is the shit since i met them seriously my life has gotten better and my mood swings havent been as bad. now im just sitting home and stuff yeah.

my nose is still numb...

anneboweman @ 2003-06-22T21:38:00

2003-06-23T01:41:00Z

this morning tom called me at 9 something. i dont remember what he said but he woke me up and i wanted to kill him. Andrew picked me up and we went to the movies. The movie really wasnt that good but i still had a good time. than we went to his friend jons house, they are all really cool people. i had to go to work at 5 so he dropped me off. I had a killer migraine and thought i was going to die so i went home and slept. now im sitting here an my headache is starting to come back so im going to go back to bed. to days left of school...

anneboweman @ 2003-06-21T00:55:00

2003-06-21T04:57:36Z

things have been fun. i dont always just sit in the house. AMANDA I MISS YOU SOO MUCH! even though amanda just left for france i wont see her for two weeks. we have been getting in stupid little fights and stuff but now that she is gone i want her to come back!

i have been hanging out with andrew alot lately and you know things are pretty damn good! i really like him but he already knows that...i feel like a geek now. haha.

i missed the soip, aiden, voice cracks show tonight because i had to work. i was looking foward to seeing pat jim tom and brett but i had to work :(

another weekend...

2003-06-16T01:37:47Z

friday night me and amanda went to FN brown school to meet tom and Andrew. tom was super late we were about ready to kill him. he brought shults? i dont know how to spell his name. we went to the mall and just "chilled" and stuff. saturday i worked all day like usual and than than andrew picked me and amanda up. we met a bunch of friends in montclair and hung out. went to the soda pop shop and than (not telling what happend next) i saw jon for the first time in a while. acoma was amazing as usual. drove around and yeah that was my night. it was better than you could ever know haha. anyway i worked today and i dont feel like tyoing anymore.

disturbing...

2003-06-12T00:38:16Z

school pretty much sucked...all i did was work on my essay and got about 2 pages done. After school i went to the park with amanda korin and pam. we went to the bench where the guy killed himself yesterday morning. that was the shittiest clean up job that i had ever seen. you could clearly see that the guy shot himself in the head there was a huge pool of blood and there was blood all over the bench. this is just fucked up. its the park, there for a public place where people like to go for walks and bring their children and not to see pools of blood with brain matter.

"Hey mommy what's that?"
"Well darling a few days ago a man committed suicide the other day and that's all the blood that spilled out of his head."

seriously give me a break. when i saw that bench i didnt feel sick at all. i wonder what was going through his mind before he pulled that trigger. did he have any regrets? most people who attempt suicide never go through with it but this guy did. people die like this every day but its weird to be exposed to this when i have never seen it before. this little kid took a stick and started to poke the pool of blood. i told him that, that was a fucked up thing to do and the guy was going to come back and haunt him. than he gave me this weird look got scared and ran off on his bike.

on my way home i saw danielle. she came over and we just
hung out than i got a phone call from tom. so him and jay came over we had some good laughs.

tomorrow night im suposed to meet a bunch of people at the diner. i dont know if i want to go but i will anyway.

my grandmother might have lung cancer again. she already had part of her lung removed. she quit smoking a LONG time ago. but they might need to remove another part of her lung. they dont know if she will be able to breath with what she has left. i just hopes she gets through this ok. she did it once and she can do it again. i know it. i have faith in her.